We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
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YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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