I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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