Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize