did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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