woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize