Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize