Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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