You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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