Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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