Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize