You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just high enough for therapy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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