another moral hangover. fuck.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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