Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
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I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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