I wish I could teleport
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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