fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
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My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize