Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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