Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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