She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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