you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize