I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
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I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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