I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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