**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize