That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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