Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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