They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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