just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
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Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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