Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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