So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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