I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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