I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
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Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
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Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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