I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize