sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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