I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
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I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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