Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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