I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize