I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
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I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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