I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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