Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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