remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize