haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize