Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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