I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize