ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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