Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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