I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
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I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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