I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize