I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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