My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize