my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My feet surprised me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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