i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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